I was mad when I got hit by an SUV on my walk to work (on two occasions). I would have lost my mind if my means of conveyance were a wheelchair and it fell apart on me.

I think the owner would have noticed losing 1/6 of his/her wheelchair. What likely followed was an infuriated person throwing 5/6 of the wheelchair into the river below. Then the hailing of a cab.

I seem to find a lot of cell phones and cell phone parts. This subscriber identification module was without a phone near it. When I hold it to my ear, I can actually hear the ocean. Or that might be tinnitus. I can also eavesdrop on calls, which is a lie.

This was lying on a sidewalk after having been looted, or dropped by a kid with a 5-cent candy habit. The only thing left was three expired transit passes, a YMCA membership card, and many school photos of the wallet’s owner.

In the modern day lost & found world, you can let someone know through Facebook that you found his wallet. Then he sends you many a confused reply accompanied by a Friend Request. The most entertaining part of the exchange was when Eskebar* asked me to meet him at a gas station at 3:10pm.

It turns out that Eskebar’s school is only a few blocks from where I found the wallet. The next morning, I delivered the wallet to Eskebar’s principal, who is one of the nicest people I have ever encountered. The Vice Principal who was monitoring the entrance was also nice; however, she let me walk right into the school without much question. I could have been any maniac with bad intentions.

*name has not been changed to protect Eskebar’s identity

John C. of Shaw Cable misplaced his dirty cheat sheet. The premise here is pretty simple: convince whoever answers the door that Telus is garbage (not a hard argument to make), that infrastructure improvements have been made in whatever area the conversation is happening in, and that whatever neighbours in the area have already switched to Shaw. Sprinkle in some casual language and sloppy English—and you have yourself a Shaw sales pitch!

John’s highlighting key is also quite useful: yellow = words, green (highlighted in pink) = body language, and pink seems to be reserved for future use.

I’m already with Shaw, so John C. would have been well-prepared to apologize for taking up my time then wish me a nice day. Thanks, John. Same to you.

The relationship that is shared between Kelly, Mike, and Jackie is a complicated one. Kelly couldn’t make it to the river on this night. Too bad because there was some extreme lucidity going on.

Mike & Jackie were so glad they took their yellow construction paper and red marker with them; you never know when inspiration will come. The star shine so bright.

It’s not often that I find the work of the great Cayrol Stevens lying on the ground. Some days, I feel pretty lucky.

This is a page from the British soft-core porn magazine Mayfair. Judging from the hairstyles, I’d place it from the early 90s. Also judging from the hairstyles, I’d guess it’s as difficult to find a good hair clipper as it is to find a good dentist in Britain. I’ve censored these areas.

This one’s going in my British soft-core porn scrapbook.

I found a guy’s wallet next to a curb. Inside the wallet, was everything but his SIN card, birth certificate, and kitchen sink. I found those later.

Cheques inside had his phone number printed on them, so I left a message on his jazz music themed voice mail. It turns out that he didn’t realize he had lost his wallet until he got my spoken word themed message.

I left this site’s URL on a little piece of paper inside (hi, Sean).

I don’t know much about drugs. I don’t know the difference between an 8-ball, an ounce, a dimebag, or a blue waffle. I have no idea what kind of drugs these are. They smell a bit like alfalfa.

After taking them, I went to a movie with a friend. It was a craaaaazy night. The trouble is that now I’m jonesing for a hit but don’t know what of.

Deven did well on this math test. But look at the dirty trick they pulled on question #2… poor Deven got sucked right in to the ol’ switcheroo and ended up with a crummy 94%.

Hang in there, Deven. Life is full of crap like that.

There is a horrible trend going on right now. That horrible trend is vampire fanfare. The worst part of this horrible trend is stupid books and movies featuring brooding teens with sleepy facial expressions.

Finding this movie case made my skin crawl, not because I picked it up off the ground but because it is for one of these trendy, stupid movies about unoriginal, angst filled, teenage vampires. I fear that the owner was just so excited to watch the movie that the case was thrown aside as the DVD was thrown into the nearest DVD player. But I hope that it was a gift from a clueless soul and that the DVD was disposed of somewhere else.