If you’ve been watching this site, you’ve noticed that I don’t update it as frequently anymore. It’s about time for an update. Strap yourself in.
I found a fancy watch, a little too late. It is a Raymond Weil Tango. My internet research revealed that this was about a $900 watch, before it was run over and left in an alley. I could not find a price for after being run over and left in an alley.
It actually held up to the abuse quite well. The body of the watch is in good shape—a bit chewed up on the back edge. The strap took the brunt of the damage. The date is off by a day, so it is likely that some sort of time travel occurred.
I might replace the strap and improve my punctuality.
There are about 5,000 to 6,500 quills on the average hedgehog. There are somewhere between 100 and 10,000 on this one but it is dead. Actually, it’s not dead but had a close brush with death. Not really a brush with death but it is a brush. I’m not sure if it was ever a living hedgehog. Possibly not. No, it is actually just a brush only inspired by the hedgehog. I found it sleeping on a sidewalk.
One thing that I love about modern society is that found money is a gift.
As I walked past an ATM, I noticed that one of these gifts was awaiting pickup from the bills tray. I pretended two use the ATM and took the gifted $20 with me. In and out like a twenty-dollars-richer James Bond.
One day, I may lose $20 of my own. Perhaps then karma will balance itself.
Found money tally: $77.50
Another lousy tip, another fight with a cook, another aching heel blister—whatever was the last straw, Ricki had enough. She tore off her waist apron, threw it to the ground and shouted an expletive-laden resignation to her unsurprised coworkers.
Enraged yet invigorated, she bee-lined for the front doors, threw them open and stepped onto the parking lot asphalt as a free woman. In one fluid motion, she pulled off her name tag, threw it to the ground and jumped into a black ’89 Iroc-Z. The engine roared, the tires squealed and the last we ever saw of Ricki was her finger salute from the passenger window.
Don’t go, Ricki. Not like this.
It’s been quite a while since I posted. I maxed out my bandwidth and couldn’t afford more. Luckily, I found this $20, which promptly went towards bandwidth costs.
My found money tally now sits at $57.50, which makes me the highest-earning blogger on the internet. Perez who?
I was mad when I got hit by an SUV on my walk to work (on two occasions). I would have lost my mind if my means of conveyance were a wheelchair and it fell apart on me.
I think the owner would have noticed losing 1/6 of his/her wheelchair. What likely followed was an infuriated person throwing 5/6 of the wheelchair into the river below. Then the hailing of a cab.
I seem to find a lot of cell phones and cell phone parts. This subscriber identification module was without a phone near it. When I hold it to my ear, I can actually hear the ocean. Or that might be tinnitus. I can also eavesdrop on calls, which is a lie.
This was lying on a sidewalk after having been looted, or dropped by a kid with a 5-cent candy habit. The only thing left was three expired transit passes, a YMCA membership card, and many school photos of the wallet’s owner.
In the modern day lost & found world, you can let someone know through Facebook that you found his wallet. Then he sends you many a confused reply accompanied by a Friend Request. The most entertaining part of the exchange was when Eskebar* asked me to meet him at a gas station at 3:10pm.
It turns out that Eskebar’s school is only a few blocks from where I found the wallet. The next morning, I delivered the wallet to Eskebar’s principal, who is one of the nicest people I have ever encountered. The Vice Principal who was monitoring the entrance was also nice; however, she let me walk right into the school without much question. I could have been any maniac with bad intentions.
*name has not been changed to protect Eskebar’s identity
John C. of Shaw Cable misplaced his dirty cheat sheet. The premise here is pretty simple: convince whoever answers the door that Telus is garbage (not a hard argument to make), that infrastructure improvements have been made in whatever area the conversation is happening in, and that whatever neighbours in the area have already switched to Shaw. Sprinkle in some casual language and sloppy English—and you have yourself a Shaw sales pitch!
John’s highlighting key is also quite useful: yellow = words, green (highlighted in pink) = body language, and pink seems to be reserved for future use.
I’m already with Shaw, so John C. would have been well-prepared to apologize for taking up my time then wish me a nice day. Thanks, John. Same to you.
The relationship that is shared between Kelly, Mike, and Jackie is a complicated one. Kelly couldn’t make it to the river on this night. Too bad because there was some extreme lucidity going on.
Mike & Jackie were so glad they took their yellow construction paper and red marker with them; you never know when inspiration will come. The star shine so bright.