The finding of this holy lanyard is obviously a gift from above. The very day that I found this, I met the girl of my dreams, came into a large sum of money, got a promotion at work, and ate a ham sandwich.

Only one of those things is true.

Anyway, talk about a conversation piece. I’ve been wearing this thing around my neck and it’s started a lot of conversations—none of which had any hint of sarcasm. Noooo, not even one little drop of sarcasm.